No one should be this delicious!
One thing I have definitely noticed is that almost every female looks good from the back. Especially if you are a good distance away (let's say, 100 feet).
Long hair helps too. From that distance, every girl could be the girl of your dreams. So you walk a little faster to see if you can catch up, and when you do, you shoot a furtive glance to the side to confirm (or deny) your suspicions.
Usually, I am denied.
At my job, I've developed a favorite stall. I don't know why it's my favorite, I just like it. Maybe it's the fact that it's one of few stalls that lock (actually, that's definitely one of the reasons). Maybe it's because the stall is generally clean. Maybe it's because the graffiti is interesting ( on a side note - who walks around with Sharpies in their pockets so they can do public restroom graffiti? I think that's a strange behavior... ).
It's like an old friend, that I can count on each day.
In the last week, I've had several instances where I've been caught in the rain. Up until last year, I didn't own an umbrella, so that was my excuse then. Now that I own an umbrella, I find myself in the following dilemma:
1) I hate carrying extraneous things, even "just in case".
2) Whenever I carry an umbrella, it never rains.
3) Whenever I don't carry an umbrella, it rains.
4) I always think the rain doesn't warrant an umbrella.
So when is the point of no return? When is it too late to go back and get an umbrella, to admit you were wrong?
I find that my point of no return is as soon as the door to my apartment closes behind me. If I made a mis-estimation of the weather, I must live with my mistake for the rest of the day. This is why sometimes I appear wet. I am.
I don't know about you PUNY EARTHLINGS, but the planet Irk has a much more pleasant climate. It's a perfect 68 Earth Fahrenheit degrees all the time, everywhere. Here on Earth, temperatures vary wildly! It wreaks havoc on my Irken body!
My body for some reason is only happy between 68 and 72 degrees Fahrenheit. Any less, it's freezing. Any more, I'm sweating like Anna Nicole chasing a hot dog in the desert. Some earthlings I know don't sweat at all. This particular earthling can play a 3 set match of tennis, not sweat, not shower, and be OK.
It's not fair. I dread summer (especially wearing work clothes on the primitive "subway").
Living in NYC means seeing a lot of dogs. The entire city is festering with little, cute, tail wagging puppy dogs! These dogs must live the most horrible life - cooped up in a city, with nary a sidewalk to pee on.
Sometimes I see those really little dogs. And I get the urge to stomp on them. Stomp them until their skulls are crushed. It would be almost poetic - I am sending them to dog heaven where they can run free, free, like they should.
