Retirement comes

I am formally retiring this blog. Mostly because only two people read it, me and andyc. Thanks to everyone (that means you, andyc) for being such a great audience!

Get skinny by taking this pill! Really!

First, check out this article.

I'm tired of all the scams, of the "low carb" phenomenon, the Atkins and South Beach diets, the magic pills you hear ads for on the radio... "I lost 50 lbs. by taking Redux 196! It's changed my life! Thanks, Redux 196!"

Why do people believe these things? It's really not hard to lose weight. Ok, maybe it's hard. But it's not difficult to figure out how. How is easy. Doing it is hard, but if you just go for it, it happens.

My magic pill: eat less, exercise more. I haven't mastered this yet, but I'm working on it. I'm actually eating 30-50% less than I used to, and I exercise much more regularly. I feel more fit that I have in a long time. It's quite amazing how out of shape you can get - I remember a time when running a mile was the hardest thing, I barely survived. Actually I remember several times. The first time was 5th grade. The second was 7th grade. The third was my sophomore year in college. The fourth...

But now, 3-5 miles seems like normal. Just gotta keep it up. I refuse to be that old man that can't help but sit down because his butt is 75% of his body.

Rude online daters

So I've been trying out this online dating thing (shh! it's a secret!). I've discovered several things about the online dating community:

1) Even though everyone is there for the same reasons, nobody is willing to take a chance
2) People aren't even courteous enough to reply and say, "sorry - not interested"
3) All the guys are looking for supermodels
4) All the girls are looking for Brad Pitt or Orlando Bloom (the only reason why Troy will do well this summer)
5) Craigslist feels like the red-light district

I know some of my friends have had good luck with the online dating thing, but I can't see how it works out if nobody is willing to take a risk. I might as well chat up random strangers on the subway.

Amazing new invention idea!

Recently, I traveled to Rhode Island. It's a pretty little state, and about a 4 hour drive. Luckily, I had some passengers with me who could feed me, give me water, and the like.

However, what if you were on a long drive by yourself? This is where the amazing new invention idea comes in! Driver Feed Bags. It would be brilliant! You just hang one around your neck, and when you're hungry or thirsty, just take a bite or sneak a sip!

I wonder why Earthlings haven't thought of this idea yet...